Heather Chauvin has an important message for all the mothers out there who have put their dreams on hold, or whose ambitions have taken a back seat to the needs of their families: you can—and should—start prioritizing your own desires. In fact, she says, this is the “secret” we’ve all been searching for.

In her forthcoming book, Dying to Be a Good Mother (winter 2021), the Leadership Coach and Strategic Parenting Expert shares how to own an abundant life in business, career, relationships, money, time and motherhood, without compromising or cutting off any part of yourself. Read on to learn more about Heather and her unique and important insights into what it actually means to be a good mother.

Which three words best describe you?
Honest, rebellious, and determined.

What is your book about?
Why dying—killing off parts of yourself—doesn’t serve the world or make you a “good” mother. In fact, it does the opposite. The saying “self-care is selfish” has to go.

Whom do you most admire?
Women who don’t apologize for what they want and are willing to go after it. These women are all over the place. Also, women who did their best and don’t give up, like my mother, and grandmother, and two dear friends I’ve lost to cancer, Allie and Michelle.

What was the last book you read?
Untamed by Glennon Doyle.

What makes you laugh?
Funny cat videos on Instagram. They’re so dumb and my husband can’t stand them, but they crack me up for hours.

Who is your favorite author?
Anyone willing to open their heart and tell stories to the world—even if it scares them.

What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken that’s paid off?
Not going back to school for my master’s degree, and starting my own business instead. I was a young mom, and everyone thought I was crazy.

What is your personal motto?
The purpose of life is to feel good.

Where do you find inspiration?
In music, journalling, nature, and listening to people.